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Herb visits… the Cockney cash machine

We bring to you a rare positive report from the financial sector.

Situated on the corner of Horatio Street and Hackney Road outside the Costcutter supermarket is the cockney cash machine. It shows no sign of affiliation to any particular bank but, unusually for this part of London, it does offer free cash withdrawals. It is also rare in that it gives users the the option to read instructions in English or Cockney.

We risked the suspicious stares of passers-by to bring you the details of this East London peculiarity.


Reading your card Reading your bladder of lard
Enter your pin Enter your Huckleberry Finn

Then you have a choice:
Cash with receipt Sausage & Mash with receipt
Cash without receipt Sausage & Mash without receipt
Balance on-screen Balance on Charlie Sheen

If you select "Sausage & Mash" you'll be offered the following:
£10 Speckled Hen
£20 Horn of Plenty
£30 Dirty
£40 Double top

When you have made your selection:
Thanks Tom Hanks me old Dutch Plate

Followed by:
Contacting your bank Contacting your rattle and tank

Please take your Sausage & Mash

At last, a bank we like!

Posted in London


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